More tranny stories later!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
