I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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