i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
