dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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