i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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