You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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