I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize