That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
