a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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