I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
