i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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