Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
