he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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