I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
