the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
