just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize