the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
