guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
two words: eviction party
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
