You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
