youre lurking in front of me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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