I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
