Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
