Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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