exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize