The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Edward fifth and chaser hands
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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