Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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