yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
