Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize