Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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