I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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