ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
