I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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