Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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