I cockslap morals
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
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