we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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