Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
