I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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