My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
