i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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