at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Randomize
