My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my being single is dangerous.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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