Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize