Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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