I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
