somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
