Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
