so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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