when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
