Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
