Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
