I just cut my nipple shaving
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
