Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize