i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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