fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
