I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
