It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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