Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
