if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
