the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
