my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
