Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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