Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
