she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
