I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize