yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
