You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize